i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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