whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
