There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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