Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
barbara walters just said penis...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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