I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we made out on top of his cat.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
