so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
