Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
