So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
