when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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