Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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