Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
