I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
