The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
