hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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