Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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