You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
