I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
