So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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