some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
