I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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