Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
