so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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