I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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