All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
