whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
