so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
