a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
