I cockslap morals
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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