you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
