I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
