So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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