so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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