An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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