omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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