he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
