I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
