the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
