i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
