The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
