im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
