i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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