My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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