I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
