He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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