can we get nightvision for the apartment?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
