I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
