Someone shit on the floor
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
