Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
