i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
