I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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